


Poisonous As Honey

by SkySamuelle



Category: Guiding Light
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, Jammy, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25312888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkySamuelle/pseuds/SkySamuelle
Summary: Repost of my 2007 old Jammy fanfiction that goes AU right after Tammy discovers Jonathan's true intentions. What if it was Jonathan and not Sandy to find Tammy as she thinks of jumping off?
Relationships: Tammy Layne Winslow/Jonathan Randall
Comments: 2





	1. Reaction

**Author's Note:**

> In 2007, I loved Jammy and GL. Intense and a bit twisted, the Jammy ship appealed to me as no other in GL, so when i visited this section of AO3 and saw there was absolutely nothing written about them, I went to dig for my old Jammy stories and decided to post them, even if it has been ages since GL finished and i wrote them. I hope someone can still find them and enjoy them, and if you have a Jammy sweet thooth… there's an old board, The Sweetest Taboo on tapatalk, where a lot of gorgeous stories about Tammy and Jon are stored. My ideal Jammy rec list includes Small Miracles, Second Chances, Bonnie and Clyde, and The Black Sheep Club.

**1: Reaction**

  
Tammy Winslow leans on the balustrade of the bridge, her azure eyes apparently rapt with the port nocturnal lights as her long, blonde hair are caressed almost tenderly by the breeze .

She can hear the siren of a foreign ship in distance-it‘s long and deep sound, like lament. 

It repeats itself two, three times. 

When she was a child, Tammy remembers, there was no sweet taste she loved better than honey.   
Every morning, for breakfast, Cassie left on their kitchen table toasted bread and whole a jar of honey – it was okay, because under her mother’s watchful eye, she didn’t dare too much.

But if she managed to get her little hands on the precious jar when she was all alone…. Tammy always ended up licking off her fingers more honey than her stomach could afford.

It’s funny, because even if she knew since the very beginning how much she could eat of that sweet, dark liquid before feeling sick, but she still wanted more… and nausea inevitably followed. 

So each time it occurred, Tammy would put on a brave smile when Cassie came back to home, ashamed to admit she couldn’t eat dinner because the sight itself of food disgusted her. And in forcing dinner down her throat, she promised to herself it would be last time. 

Today she is no longer a child and honey has lost most of its allure, but she finds out history has a disturbing way of following senseless patterns.

JB Huxley is this year’ honey. 

From the first time she has seen him, a little voice in her head whispered he was bad news, and nonetheless it was obvious she would give in to him. While he slowly, relentlessly seduced her in serving to him her virginity on a silver plate, a part of her knew it would end as bad as it could get.   
Because she was so in love than she was falling too much too fast, already forgetting Joey like the crush he was been and because JB was just… dangerous in his volatile moods and sleazy smirks, with the gentleness he was not ashamed of sparing only for her. Tammy knew he would be capable of breaking her heart and forgetting about it in a week. 

Yet she didn’t care, because she feared missing something wonderful if she lost him to her self-consciousness.

She wanted JB was her first One- her first lover, since he was her first true love.

She chose him, and it didn’t matter she knew him from only few weeks. She has fallen in love with the same innocent abandon of a child, who offered unconditional affection to a new friend the first day of school, for no deeper reason than seeing something worth of love in another person. 

JB…has made her to feel daring, feminine and beautiful – was not it worth some risk?

Her first time is not been at all like she expected- it ‘s been better, a powerful and liberating experience… she thought she had read adoration in his eyes and she would do anything to hold on that. Even running away with him for some unknown destination on one moment’s notice. 

She cannot bear to think about it now, when there’s no JB – there’s never been, really- but only Jonathan Randall and his revenge.

While he was inside her, while murmuring how pure, untouched she looked, was he mocking her stupidity? 

While JB encouraged her to be sure about what she wanted, has Jonathan laughed in the silence of his mind? 

Every time she has confirmed her feelings for him, has he congratulated with himself for how much the truth would destroy her?

All what Tammy understands is that she cannot come back to home. Never again.

JB has offered a perfect dream to her, where she was not an helpless princess but a free and resilient heroine. Where she was beloved, respected for her bravery, her strength. It was all what she ever wanted.   
But then the beautiful illusion was shattered with a crude cruelty more painful than unexpected.

Yes, she has known all along he could be cruel: Jonathan has not bothered hiding this from her. Simply, Tammy has trusted his ruthlessness wouldn’t be ever turned on her. 

What a fool.

She feels soiled now. All her faith in her judgment has vaporized the moment she has looked inside those dark, all-promising eyes and found nothing.

_“ Did you know? Did you know we were cousins? ”_

His silence, the shimmer of guilty anticipation in his gaze before bleakness swallowed that as well answered her better than anything he might have said.   
But his expression was empty, indifferent. He was looking at her like if she was an object, not a person. Like if she wasn’t any more significant than a stalk of celery. 

  
Before the undeniable evidence of her error, she could attack him only with her fists.

_“Do you want hate me? Go ahead! I’ll hate you back twice as hard! ”_

Her assault might have forced him to truly see her, but Tammy wasn’t shocked to discover the hot surging of his hatred didn’t necessarily hurt her less than the cool bite of his indifference. 

_I wish you were dead._

Silly words uttered in anger. It wasn’t nothing more than the fury of a child tricked into becoming a woman. He was supposed to give back something equally precious in turn for her innocence, but he has stolen it instead. 

How she wanted to hate him, even enough to kill him!

But you cannot truly hate someone for not loving you back, even if your love isn’t but a forgery.

She is the one who wants to be dead. 

The dark waters call to her, inviting and silent. 

She is afraid of dying, but ultimately she is more afraid of going on like this. Of seeing her family again. 

The shame is too much…. How could she stand in front of her mom, Aunt Reva, Uncle Josh? Her other cousins?

They would look at her and see the signs of what she did, reading in her eyes all what she has felt when she laid underneath her cousin’ s pliant body. 

Something so dirty, ill-intentioned and just plain wrong has felt so right, so great…if Tammy closes her eyelids, the Jonathan’s triumphant face grins to her. 

She has tried scrubbing him off her skin, yet more she insisted on it, more the ghost of his hands haunted her. 

Tammy stares the water below and wonders if drowning would be so much worse than facing another day of feeling so dirty, idiotic, useless… filthy, from inside out. 

If she cannot summon enough energy for hating him, she will hate herself .

If she can’t trust her heart, if she can’t hold on her family, what else is left?


	2. Action

**2: Action**

Jonathan thinks about escaping sometimes, from everyone and everything. Driving out to the blue, look at it one last time and go. Just to just to feel free one first and last time from all the ugliness festering inside, around and out of him.

He knows he has felt more than his fair share of pain, and he has tried spreading around just as much. Shit must go around.

It’s the first lesson Alfred has ever taught him, the one he has never forgot.

Jonathan was about twelve and his father had insisted on having him sitting over his knees, then he slurred in his ear, indicating with a vague wave the kitchen’s closed door behind which Marissa had recently hidden herself sobbing:

_“There are only two categories of people on this earth, Jonny: hammers and nails. Your mom is a nail, and she’s lucky I’m the one to thrum her down. I take care of this family at least, but it wasn’t me, she would have someone else to serve her desserts. This is how she is. A pathetic sniveling thing. What do you will be , boy? Victim or victor? Hammer or nail? Choose well ‘cause there’s no going back ”._

So Jonathan has chosen- he will be not anybody’s victim never again. 

It was a matter of proportional response: giving back as bad he has gotten, delivering destruction, immediate and brutal. 

But it has not fixed him, and it’s puzzling he doesn’t knows if it’s a surprise or not. 

He only understands this revenge which was in theory supposed to reconcile him with his past, in fact it feels like if it is ripping him open. 

He cannot forget the sensation of his hands around the Reva’s neck, so close and so far way from what he truly wanted. 

He keeps on dreaming of Swiss mountains , of falling into empty air, of laying on cold snow for ages, whole his body hurting, the despairing certainty he would die, slowly and painfully, alone.

A-L-ON-E.

He could have drooped off the face of this cursed planet and nobody out of there would care enough to look for him or to notice his disappearance .

Not his Marissa, alive in flesh but dead in spirit: it hurts, yet he thinks he fears becoming like her more than he hates her. 

Not Reva, too busy playing her role with his would-be-murderer to realize he wasn’t her blood: how can that woman believe it‘s normal behaviour _accidentally_ causing somebody’s death, and then stealing his identity rather than calling authorities? 

Alfred…he won’t even go there, his parenting technique was particular in itself.   
Deep down, he has wondered for years if meeting his biological parents would spark some sort of instant recognition, a sense of belonging. Now he got his answer, it would seem.   
All thanks to Sand-Man.

Ironic, really: the only reason he has left his guard down around that asshole was his apparent harmlessness. There’s no better foundation for passive aggression, than Weakness , he should have learnt it by now. 

Just as well. 

  
Jonathan Randall doesn’t believe in regrets. He won’t remember it was all for nothing at last, because he isn’t closer to drive Sandy, Reva, Alfred and Marissa out of his head, than he was when he first came into this town . The tangled web they have made of his life cannot be so easily untangled. 

He’s tempted to delve in the darkest recesses of himself to test if doing worse than he has already done will empty him of this raging, aimless scorn. 

Anger stays glued on him like a second skin: another half of his mind wants only cutting his losses and leaving the sunny hellhole called Springfield behind. 

He is what he is and nothing will change it. He’s fine with it.

He knows how to take a beating without making a sound, how to sweet-talk a leggy stranger into put it out and allowing him to spend the night in her bed (so he shouldn’t come back to home), how to lie, how to cheat at poker . 

He has never learned how to love and he has never wanted to, not if love is threatening with your belts after filling your mouth with warm words, or looking elsewhere when anything real is expected from you… or being unable of recognizing whom stands before you. 

He doesn’t need any of this shit ... if this is love, he wants no part in it.

  
Jonathan remembers Tammy, her pale hair and cloudless eyes, her open face reflecting her open heart.   
He knows he has destroyed something unique and beautiful and if this wasn’t enough to sate his hate, maybe nothing can. 

So how does he win? 

He roams the streets of SF with his fists clenched to refrain from screaming his throat raw, feeling like if he could use tearing apart something very large and very solid, potentially even himself.

Fuck.

He doesn’t realizes he has reached Harbour’s Lights until he is here, two steps away from the railing, wondering how badly it would hurt falling over the edge and crashing into that glimmering dark surface. 

Fuck.

He isn’t nearly as drunk for this sort of thoughts. As matter of fact, he isn’t drunk at all and he should remedy.

Or perhaps not… there’s a girl all alone down here.

Blonde… not his favourite in this particular phase of his life, but he isn’t picky and he will get over it.  
Yeah, probably fucking this anxiety out of his system is what he needs. And blondes are quick to warm up. 

He is not really enthusiast when he swaggers enough ahead to realize he knows this particular blonde. 

It must be his karma, closing him in the same cycle again and again.

“My, my… you are not about drowning yourself on my account , aren’t you? ‘Cause it would be beyond pathetic ”

Sometimes he wonders about how smoothly so malignant words roll off his tongue. It happens too often and with too little- if any- effort. He suspects he wouldn’t be able pull off kindness with the same ease, even if convenience would arise.

Tammy pulls herself violently away from the pier, turning disbelievingly toward the sound’s source.

Jonathan’s figure is half-enveloped in darkness and when he steps fluidly away from the shadows to meet her gaze derisively, it’s like if her deepest fear has materialized and taken a life of her own.

He looks the same: ruggedly handsome, comfortable in his disregard for established norms, proud of his arrogance. The JB she fell for.

Except he is not. 

The sight of him leaves her numb, shallow like a crippled shell empty of any substance. 

Her voice is gone but maybe if she doesn’t talk, he won’t move closer. 

She can pinpoint the exact moment Jonathan realizes his joke wasn’t far from the truth because his features seem to contort in a strange tremulous way before tensing again.

He is no mind reader, after all. 

“What, aren’t you happy? Think about how upset your mom will get over it !” 

Jonathan blinks, his face neutral as his dark eyes narrow on her. 

Mercurial, a sly smirk flows upon his lips – so gelid and arrogant than her heart flutters convulsively. His longish hair obscure his face as he cocks his head aside, studying her like if she is a strange, amusing puppy and Tammy is suddenly, acutely aware of just how much her hands tingle to run through that untamed mane. She wraps her arms around herself, fisting tightly the ends of her jacket, like if she could protect her body from the painful reflex which draws it so strongly and helplessly toward what she can no longer have. 

“wow, Tam, do you luw me that much? I never knew I was that good. ”

With every instant Tammy spends listening to him, she grows more distant from reality. He’s so close than she can barely breath without sensing his taint in the air she inhales, yet moving is never been less possible. 

JB pauses, searching her face for a reaction – but her visage must be as blank as it feels because he goes on with renewed energy: 

“Well, I do thank you for your interest, but you must not selling yourself so short. Jeez, your contribution in my settling the score with Mommy dearest is already been very … substantial. Plus, you were amazing. I had absolutely no complaints. ” 

The absence of his usual self-satisfaction is palpable, so his provocations are aiming to rise a reaction out of her; she knows he won’t stop until he gets it, even if he has to squeeze her blood along with it.   
Her bitter laughter cuts the tension between them like shards of broken glass.

“God, you really have no conscience! You… cultivated me only for destroying a family you never met and I cared for you! I defended you! All what you get the gall to say is you don’t care if I- ’” 

Tammy stops here, chewing on her bottom lip and strangely ashamed to complete the phrase, to appear even weaker than she did in past before him. 

Wonderful… now she has truly hit rock bottom.

His gaze ardent yet distant , Jonathan shrugs fluidly, like if this is the stupidest thing he has ever heard. 

“Life is hard for everyone, sweetie. If you can’t deal with it, maybe you are better off. ”

“I was happy with the my life, do you get it ? Then you snooped in and you’ve made a mess of it, rearranging everything to your taste until I had nothing left. I never did nothing to hurt you and now I can’t even set a foot in my home never again bec- ”

“What, are you afraid you’ll get grounded for fornicating with your evil cousin?”

His indolence, matched with one of his most wolfish grins, makes a mockery of her tragedy. Jonathan sounds like he’s just about breaking into a booming laughter and she’s acting immature to the point of ridicule . 

He may well be the stuff her nightmare are made of, but seeing him like this- unconcerned, untouched by the damage he has done- snaps something inside Tammy. Violently.

For the first time since what feels like an eternity she feels more than scared and diminished by his presence… she feels scandalized and downright furious. 

She starts screaming with the self-righteous indignation only authentic rage can infuse you with.

“Shut – shut it up! Haven’t you humiliated me enough with all what you have done to me? You must even- ”

His voice rises to match hers : “What I have done to you, sweetie, is nothing you have not wanted! Or asked for! Several times if my memory works!” 

“Only because you tricked me! ” 

His gaze narrows on hers with a distinctly mean edge and Tammy has barely the chance to feel exposed before finding herself entrapped and trembling: Jonathan is swiftly parading his larger frame in front of her as his arms are stretching on each side of her to lean his hands on the railing. 

On step back and her spine bumps hard against the wood. 

She shivers uncontrollably, oppressed by both the familiarity of his smell and the sensation of his lips a breath away from her earlobe. 

His whisper is harsh and taunting. 

“Be true, Tam-Tam, what is you really find so hard to face? Finding out you have wasted your so overestimated innocence on your cousin or realizing it makes no difference? Do you feel all tainted ‘cause you still want me? ”

“No ”

Her head whips from side to side, but the words make barely out of her lips before she realizes how fake they are

“ I hate you -she stutters, her cheeks wet with tears – I hate you. ”

Shutting tight her eyelids in a strenuous attempt to not erupt in sobs, Tammy feels his warm tongue tasting the salty tracks on her visage. 

“Let me go”

She repeats in an ushered mutter, but it’s a relief when her pleas fall on deaf ears. 

Her weight sags at once against his body, because she is so damn tired of fighting every waking minute to stay on her feet. 

Then… then she is opening her lips under his and her hands are insinuating under his shirt, avidly seeking the feel of his skin.

She hates feeling this way, being the poisoned apple of his ugly fairytale. 

“ You are a monster- Tammy mutters breathlessly while his mouth unfasten on her neck. His answer is cutting, even more so because it’s unexpected:

“So how worse must you be to still want me?”

The violence which erupts from whole her body at his barb surprises them both: knees and elbows and knuckles are all what she has to hurt him, but she uses them well, pushing him off her.

“Is that all what you know how do? Hating, hating, hating! Sinking us down to your level won’t pull you out of the hole you dug yourself into! ”

JB laughs and his features contort in a grimace so unpleasant to make the transition look painful. 

“Welcome in Wonderland, Alice! I fucking know it! I can hate you people with every freaking fibre of all what I am and it won’t do a fucking difference because you hurt me first! I’m done: there’s nothing healthy or clean or whole about me but my anger and my hatred! Why do you think I came here?! I ‘m no stalker! ” 

The admission floors her, touching a remote fragment of her heart which should be locked away forever. 

She cannot believe it: JB is… indestructible powerful in a wild way which belies suicide. But JB is not real, Jonathan is.

Tammy glares at her companion, taking in his challenging poise, his poker face: would he be able…?

“The difference between us is, Princess, I won’t hand your people the satisfaction of putting me asunder! If hate is all what I’ve got, you can bet I won’t let you take it from me as well!”

He grabs her shoulders and forces her to lean out the railing, looking down at the deep, dark waters. 

“Do you want jump? Because a big, bad wolf like me hurt you? Because you can’t face moral judgment from the Springfield’s self-anointed whore and an ex-stripper? If you really think our opinions matter that much more than yours, probably you should! The world is a large, evil place and this is hardly the worst thing which will ever happen to you! ”

Trembling again in his arms, Tammy hates him. There are no tears left.

The shield of numbness she retreated behind those past days is shattered beyond repair and she desperately needs it back.

“You are a bastard” 

Her voice is so full of spite… she barely recognizes it.

“In name and fact”

Yes, she definitely hates him. She hates the uncaring free-and-easy quality of his manners, like if her life isn’t in pieces because of him and nothing of this is real. 

Abruptly, she is aware of a need to hit him back as hard as he has hit her.

“You are not so different from Alfred, JB, don’t matter how long you cry all over yourself. Physical violence isn’t the only existing flavour of beating. You enjoy hurting me as much he hurt you! What about Marissa, the mother who raised you? You abandoned her like Reva left you! ” 

She has never pronounced so many malicious, hurtful words in her life, but she finds an acid sort of delight in knowing the effect they will sort. Is that how he usually feels? 

Behind her, Jonathan has grown very, very still and she should probably have the sense of being worried, at least. Instead her body buzzes with an electric giddiness and her heart with the darkest, fullest anticipation.

“Marissa betrayed me first. – he states low in her ear, his finality echoing louder than it should- I left her behind once, she did the same at least twice every day” 

He pulls back and leans on the railing, setting a short but perceivable distance between them. 

Without him to shelter her, the coolness of nocturnal breeze invests fully her figure and Tammy is convinced this is the only reason she feels cold so abruptly. 

For few minutes, they are there, close and yet far way from each other, in a silence it would feel wrong violating. 

Then she senses his eyes touching her and his body shifting sidelong to face hers. 

She ignores those signals, not quite prepared for the end of this fragile impasse. 

At least until Jonathan speaks.


	3. Resolution

**3: Resolution**

“Do you want some compensation for your hurt, Tammy? If what you mean to do is jumping, take my hand and go ahead. We will go down together. I will get my revenge and you will get yours ”

Tammy keeps staring below, hypnotized by the full moon’s pale reflection on the glittering, liquid surface. She doesn’t need turning around to know he’s not kidding: the placid resolution of his offer rings loud and clear.

She wonders why she should believe him about anything after everything he has already done and said to her, yet the complete absence of malice in his words calls to her.

JB takes her right hand in his, entwining their fingers firmly but gently. It warms her. 

Tammy inclines her head aside, finally meeting his gaze with no emotion but morbid curiosity: there’s no desperation, no mockery to be found in those rich pools of chocolate. Only a steadfast but vacant determination. 

At this moment, she is completely certain Jonathan doesn’t care about whether or how his life ends until it does happen according his rules. 

His eyes are challenging her to take a decision, all while reassuring he would go along with it, in any eventuality. 

Drawn to their bottomless darkness, she can picture whole the scene vividly: their joined hands as they jump off the pier, their feet kicking into empty air before water takes their weight in.

She imagines saying yes and ending all what is left of him together with all her dreams and hopes. 

“You would really do it really, just to demonstrate you can ” 

“All what I ever wanted is ending this charade sensationally and this is a way like any other. Besides, I don’t exactly see myself growing old and lazy on some chair ”

His hand squeezes lightly around hers: it’s a bizarre paradox hands so careful can belong to someone who has a such unkind mouth.

If he meant passing off as a tough guy, his sincerity ruins that impression. It’s just sad, discovering like this how he got lost in the sinister maze of his creation. Now there’s no more way for him than for her: in this, they are equals.   
Tammy also knows they are in good company, it doesn’t matter how broken or wrong they are. 

Everyone in her –no, in their – family- has done mistakes: Uncle Billy has his alcoholism, her mom her stripper days, Aunt Reva her not-so-distant past of mundane dissolution. Edmund caused this disaster to begin. JB is a mess on his own. Nobody of them should assume to judge her or her feelings

Funny how this certainty fills her with foreign strength.

Squeezing back his hand, she angles her head to study her half-cousin better: it’s all weird and wrong, but the understanding passing between them is undeniable.

Maybe his driving instinct is not hate after all, but despair. Maybe he is just out to destroy everything in his path because he doesn’t know what else do with himself. 

But even if it isn’t so, he is no omnipotent Antichrist to be afraid of. JB’ s just a boy, who breaths and falls and screams and breaks. 

“Oh, fuck you”

Tammy seethes just to prove herself she can, pulling her hand swiftly free. His chuckle vibrates against her neck.

“That’s a dangerous proposition in the position we are in ”

“What we did doesn’t disgust you at all? ”

“Considering I was the one to set you up, the obvious answer would be no”

“We are cousins! ”

“So? It’s not incest… just close enough to be spicy”

“Close enough to offend your mother and every-”

“… self-righteous bigot in town”

“This is no joking material. I was in love and you took this feeling so pure to twist it in something ugly and debasing! ”

“Nothing pure can be truly real, Tam-Tam, you can as well learn something from me beside sex”

Tammy shakes her head, impatiently.

“That’s your excuse? My feelings weren’t real, so you were perfectly justified in using me ?”

“Hey, I’m not sitting for a lecture- ”

“Stop acting like if what you have done is perfectly normal! ”

“If you plan waiting for an apology, brace yourself because is sorely not coming. Hell, it wasn’t even that personal… ”

“It wasn’t personal?! You basically made me unacceptable for any decent guy - ”

“Gee, this is what you were so fussy over? You are so naïve… men aren’t picky like you imagine them. Some might even find you more tasty. ”

“I’ve said decent guys. This excludes pretty much whoever in your mind-set, JB”

“Point One: there are no decent guys where sex is concerned. Point Two: their existence would not change the simple fact I am your kind of man. Decency wasn’t really high on your wish-list when we -- ”

It ‘s too much: Tammy flips around, raising a hand to his face. Jonathan’s wide palm is wrapped around her wrist before she gets a chance to slap him. 

So she does the next best thing: she lunges forward and smashes her lips up against his cold and dry ones. Her stomach clenches with nausea and when it seems like JB is about coming out his shock and kissing her back, she actually sucks on him bottom lip and bites it, drawing blood.

Then, pulling her wrist free roughly, she draws back before he can react.

She wets her lips, swallowing the metallic taste lingering upon them.   
Her face feels impossibly warm and circulation tingles beneath her skin.   
Jonathan, on his part, only blinks and stands there frozen, like someone whose world is just been turned upside down. It takes him one full breath to realize his bottom lip is indeed bleeding. His fingers touch it absently while his eyes stay glued on the retreating assailer without really seeing her .

“If I forgive you- Tammy asserts, breathing hard and pointing her finger to him- it’s only because you are no less pathetic than I am ”

This shakes him out of his stupor.

The expression on his visage is priceless: it’s bewildered, lost and diffident in almost childlike nuances. Tammy swears she will freeze it and take it within her heart forever.

“I don’t need your forgiveness”

Which it’s a quite different thing from not wanting it, but Tammy is careful enough to not remind him of this.

“I‘m not doing this for you, but for myself. I have no intention to let you drag me at your level ”

As Jonathan stares her, she can literally see him retreating little by little, layer after layer, behind carefully erected barricades : the light in his eyes blinks and fades like a dying star while the steel in voice spreads to his features .

She puts between them as much space she can without giving her escape away. 

“Maybe you should give Sandy a call, Princess. He’s jumping for a chance to worm his way between your thighs from day one ”

His comment is scathing, but in a carefully constructed way which excludes real emotion… fake malice for guarding himself from her empathy. 

Tammy answers in kind:

“What is it? Are you afraid it will be just one more thing he is better at? ”

“Ah! He would wish!”

Just like that, the tension is dissolved again.   
Note to oneself: when in doubt where JB is concerned, hit straight below the belt – strangely, he deals better with what he is used receiving. 

The grin upon his mouth now tastes like sadness and strength- it wraps painfully around the Tammy’s heart as she takes it in.

There’s nothing left to do, for her, but turning on her heels and walking away. 

  
“Where are you going? ”

Tammy answers without looking back : “I can go home all by myself” 

It’s true: she no longer feels like if she needs saving. 

They think you are a victim, use it – the whisper in the back of her mind which suggests it to her sounds suspiciously like JB. Surprisingly yet not. 

Somehow, Jonathan has empowered her, like if having faced him means being able to face anything and anybody. 

Few steps ahead and she doesn’t resist the impulse to look back:

Jonathan is still where she has left him. In distance his figure cuts the never-ending night, yet the darkness seems to envelop him so completely than sky could just fall and squash him.

Then he stirs his arm high to salute her and the illusion is shattered.

Tammy smiles and walks on.

He cares about her: a little at least, enough to stay with her and insult her until she swallowed back her suicidal tendencies. For pathetic it is, now this is all what she can stand thinking about - it’s enough to go on.

If no good boy will never want her, Jonathan can as well keep all her fractured heart. 

_You break it, you buy it baby._


End file.
